The Thing that Makes Me Sad as a Writer

The Thing that Makes Me Sad as a Writer

I’ve been writing for many years now, and while I’ve never had much success, let alone earned any income from it, is not these failures they make me sad or upset. It’s not the lack of attention or lack of ability. It’s not the incomplete stories I’ve left behind. The Thing that makes me sad as a writer is that I have entertained many, but I don’t think a single word I’ve ever written has actually ever touched someone.

I watch a fair amount of anime, see a lot of films, and read a number of books, and it breaks my heart to see so many well written things. I want to cry from some of it, some have moved me to tears. Some, such as Sword Art Online and My Hero Academia, go so far beyond mere entertainment that the characters truly come alive. You can see what they’re thinking, feel their pain, and smile along with their triumphs. That’s the point of course, these things were designed to do that, but it’s so difficult to make people actually feel without it feeling obvious or manufactured.

I think that’s the key, these stories of which I speak don’t actually make you do anything. They invite you to. They bare the souls of their characters, lay before to the raw wounds that they’ve suffered, and offer you cathartic relief, actual emotional healing, as the characters struggle to piece their lives back together or grow from their experiences. They share the characters’ hearts with you, and welcome you into their embrace.

And I think that’s where I’ve failed in the past and continue to fail. With each story I write, I feel that my character development improves a little. I think that both Aoi and JT are some of the most complicated characters I’ve ever written for. Perhaps the most real characters I’ve ever conjured. Yet, I still feel that they have not nor ever could bring a smile to your face, make you giddy with nervous energy as their own overtakes them, or make your heart beat just a little harder as they embrace.

Maybe it’s my failure as a writer. Maybe I still have much to learn in my journey. Maybe I just don’t realize the impact of my work. But I do worry that I’m not only failing myself, but that I’m failing them.

What Are Your Thoughts?

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